Month: January 2022

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Filipino Loves

These are the words I know for Love in Tagalog, the main Philippine dialect. I’ve also written in Baybayin (our dead ancient script)

5 words for Love… Isn’t that fascinating? And that’s just from one dialect. We have over 150 dialects spoken until today!! And it’s such a small country. It does make sense given there’s over 1,170 islands (and counting)

Errbody be doing their own thing that’s probably why, why they came up with their own dialects. 🧐💭

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Meowson Jars

Playlists as Paintings

Meow. These containers, they’re all made up.Did I know, Yous? I never did. Never truly did. Does it matter? I didn’t know all of Mes. I know more of Mes, now. Meow. Some days feel best. Today’s not. Yesterday was. Today’s far from even second best. Meow. All in all it ain’t no thing. The thing is that it’s one of those things. Some things. Things come, then they goes. Meow. Like bubbles, they pop, leaving droplets of cold soapy goo. Then gone, forever. A best day is upon again. The bubbles then, one of Mes hoping, they forever gone. The other Mes? oh. Meow. I used to like bubbles. Though the cold soapy goo, me can’t keep up the clean up. Meow. I only know how to lick me. I can only lick me. You can lick yourself. Oh, one of those bubbles.. *POP*. Meow. 🐈

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Humanical Orbs

External tools have helped me tremendously in understanding myself and just as important, in starting to understand others. I am not saying these modalities are of absolute truth or perhaps even true for anyone in any way(it’s actually repulsive for a chunk of the population) but it definitely served its purpose for me in integrating it into my toolkit of compassion and understanding.

Anything that helps to stretch my perspective is of value to me. We give things meaning and the meaning I give these tools have been more than supplemental to my understanding, and consequently, a higher expression of my inner knowing ✨

(There really be some people though that test the living shit outta you🤣 Adios. It’s nothing personal, just vibrational. Still all Love, always is, always will be ≋≋≋ ❥)

*ok I realized I used the word Understanding a million times in this caption. I can’t blame, it’s an ultra important word. To understand is to truly, truly, Love.

A great example is that understanding in itself, beats romantic love when it comes to sustaining deep intimate relationships. Love (romantic) alone cannot sustain a relationship, the lifetime bond type of relationship, the fulfilling kind, there’s just no way, and I’m speaking for only what I know and of my truth (learning this the hard way, but then again I don’t know if there’s an easy way to learn this lol. Going through is the only way out I guess).

Understanding, on the other hand can take you to the deepest places of intimacy, places you never knew existed. The deeper the understanding that is exchanged between beings, the stronger the foundation, the deeper the romantic love, then which forms into the higher Love, the unbreakable type of Divine Love, intertwined with another. I believe this is what marriage is supposed to be about, sacred.

From my seeking, this type of Love isn’t meant for everyone, my belief is that it’s not in everyone’s level of Journey and that’s ok, it means some of us are meant to learn other lessons in this lifetime. See yourself where you’re at and another will meet you exactly there. We only understand others in the same level we’ve understood ourselves, that echoed in my being.

Thoughts/

Playlists are Paintings

Anyone else here share this same sentiment? I feel an intense release of built up energy whenever I create a playlist. It doesn’t matter if I listen to it a million times thereafter or if just once.

The process of creating playlists gives me so much joy, puts me in a state of clearing, a freeing, being able to go through a magnitude of emotions and process them. To find a song and then group them, each  correlating to a clump of something within, there’s a distinct ping! Each time it matches, such bliss.

Then, I get to play, work and arrange these songs, these sheer auditory energies (musical artists gifting the world with their purest, highest form of expression. It’s pure magic, if you can really ponder the process of how each song is birthed, it’s just pure pure magic!!!) to paint a weighted extravagant, clearer picture of a temporary state of one’s inner world. 

With each song almost like a color tube of paint, raw material, I then get to add, intercede, supercede, by moving around these energies, until it all feels… just right.. Arranging these potencies, shaping an auditory painting, forming it to fit my own inner world. What this means to me is… I get to move, shape, form.. and have a sense of grasp of the temporary chaotic clusters of somethings I feel within, it’s now concretized. 

With each playlist in completion, a chaotic ball of… once unfathomable emotions, energy somethings, gets to be coped with, organized, materialized, expressed, processed. That’s it, the genesis of a playlist.

Playlists are auditory paintings, anyone can dabble with creating them (especially us that aren’t musically trained but are obsessive audiophiles). It’s a way to paint inner worlds in such a cozy, self-nurturing way. Listening to them feels like a warm fuzzy blanket that I can surround myself with at any given time. A blanket made from my own cotton balls of energy somethings that have been released and healed, transmuted if ya’ll will.😌

*I would literally die if Spotify ever goes out of business🥶. If/until then, I get to live.😝 If you have a song/songs you’d like to shoot my way, you’re literally blessing me with a tube of color, sending me free supply to help me paint my woes away, quite literally, and help me disentangle my joys. Feel free to comment a song of your choice, let me paint with it🙏🏽

Notes to Self/

Lithopyte

Here’s one of the coolest, if not actually the coolest Lithopyte I’ve ever seen. It was majestic. At which has seemingly, no correlation with my entry below, I feel compelled to share almost in real time and thought, the GOAL of this Lithophyte is to grow from a rock, and that it did, thriving and at peace, makes complete sense to me. I feel a lot with regards to this topic. So it can feel extra, as it fucking should.

1/13/2022 Notes to my meek self

You have to know yourself deeply and be completely honest with yourself to know what you really want. You have to discern and know if your goals are really, TRULY YOUR GOALS, goals that must be rooted, stemming from your heart (and supported by the mind) or if your so-called goals are in reality, of someone else’s?

Are they your goals because that’s what you truly want from life, or is it because you’re (unconsciously) trying to get approval from others? I feel like a lot of modern society’s despair and causes for anxiety, depression, is in a lot of ways, a symptom from our true selves not fulfilling what feels right for us, our soul’s cry for help. Why are we out here fulfilling the dreams and goals of what other people think is right for us? Why do we allow them to? That’s the real question.

Before putting all your efforts and perhaps spend the rest of your life trying to reach your goal, my offer is to simply ask yourself, “Is this goal really mine?”

Lifetimes have been spent pursuing personal, career, relationship, lifestyle goals, goals of all sorts, by brilliant people, people who still end up feeling they’ve wasted their lives, still asking themselves at the end “I’ve achieved all these goals, why do I still feel empty?”

(Fckn duh..!! they were never your goals to begin with!! Here you spent a good chunk of your life, hopefully not your whole, working your ass off for that shit, you were fulfilling other people’s opinion of the goals they’ve projected onto you of what you should do with your life, of what they think is best for you. Like what!?? All it takes is for you to say, “No thanks.” Please, do yourself the biggest favor and save yourself a lifetime, SAY NO.
With peace and love of course 💚✨)

Notes to Self/

Abstract Qualities

1/11/2022 Notes to Selves

The quality of your thoughts should eventually match the quality of your words, and then eventually match the quality of your actions. It takes time, it takes continuous attention, and gentle intention, micro intentions, catching yourself on a second to second basis, the quality of your thoughts, words, and actions will all beautifully align. It will. It just takes time. Be patient and gentle with yourself.

About the other thoughts, the sharp icky thoughts. Question those thoughts that glare on the negative side. Ask it, “What is it that you fear?”, ask why it judges. Ask it, WHY? Ask it WHY, in the most loving, compassionate tone you can. Ask it, what part of you does it need to “protect”, what is it trying to defend?

The answer to those questions, is in some level, a way to self-heal, being able to start to tend to your own traumas (just a fancy word for inner emotional wounds, cuts, gashes, scratches, everyone has them, some way wayyy deeper than others). To heal is to understand. Thank your icky thoughts, they are opportunities to present your questions to your inner self.

To question is to understand, to understand is to start healing. To start healing is to start Loving, truly. 🧡✨

*In no way should this practice replace therapy, although it’s one of many great practices I apply to get to know one’s self on a deeper level. Self-discovery is such a beautiful process.

The greatest most fulfilling project you will ever get to work on in this lifetime, is… guess what?
YOUR OWN DAMN SELF. Create beauty, create magic. I ponder on those words often. I don’t know much, and the ones that resonate and find value in, I express. I have a knowing for myself, for my own path only, and that’s it. Please take what resonates and leave the rest. That is all.

Notes to Self/

You Will Die

I’ve always given myself the option of either going for music or podcast right before I dig in into lab work and bag prep. In recent months I’ve added the option of silence, just sitting with my thoughts, clearing my mind while I do work. I had realized a lot of things while starting this practice. As today, starting with the admiration for this V8 agar recipe that I recently started to use, causing the mycelium to go way fluffy and 3 dimensional. A perfect segway into today’s thoughts. My nuanced version of “Live, Laugh, Love” somewhat or something along those lines. 🙃

1/10/2022
Be kind. Take no shit. Do no harm. Stand your ground. Take only what resonates, leave the rest. Know yourself DEEPLY so you can trust yourself FULLY. Balance your heart and mind. Discern and discern well. Be in your essence, DANCE in your essence.

Always remember, YOU WILL DIE, embrace it. And so live it, and live it fully. In your own terms and no one else’s. Again, to love your life, you must live your life in your own terms.

You create your suffering, you create your joy. Choose well. Laugh when shit gets real. Find laughter in all of it. It’s always there. Find love and laughter always, in all situations, and in all ways.