Category: Notes to Self

Notes to Self/

Lithopyte

Here’s one of the coolest, if not actually the coolest Lithopyte I’ve ever seen. It was majestic. At which has seemingly, no correlation with my entry below, I feel compelled to share almost in real time and thought, the GOAL of this Lithophyte is to grow from a rock, and that it did, thriving and at peace, makes complete sense to me. I feel a lot with regards to this topic. So it can feel extra, as it fucking should.

1/13/2022 Notes to my meek self

You have to know yourself deeply and be completely honest with yourself to know what you really want. You have to discern and know if your goals are really, TRULY YOUR GOALS, goals that must be rooted, stemming from your heart (and supported by the mind) or if your so-called goals are in reality, of someone else’s?

Are they your goals because that’s what you truly want from life, or is it because you’re (unconsciously) trying to get approval from others? I feel like a lot of modern society’s despair and causes for anxiety, depression, is in a lot of ways, a symptom from our true selves not fulfilling what feels right for us, our soul’s cry for help. Why are we out here fulfilling the dreams and goals of what other people think is right for us? Why do we allow them to? That’s the real question.

Before putting all your efforts and perhaps spend the rest of your life trying to reach your goal, my offer is to simply ask yourself, “Is this goal really mine?”

Lifetimes have been spent pursuing personal, career, relationship, lifestyle goals, goals of all sorts, by brilliant people, people who still end up feeling they’ve wasted their lives, still asking themselves at the end “I’ve achieved all these goals, why do I still feel empty?”

(Fckn duh..!! they were never your goals to begin with!! Here you spent a good chunk of your life, hopefully not your whole, working your ass off for that shit, you were fulfilling other people’s opinion of the goals they’ve projected onto you of what you should do with your life, of what they think is best for you. Like what!?? All it takes is for you to say, “No thanks.” Please, do yourself the biggest favor and save yourself a lifetime, SAY NO.
With peace and love of course 💚✨)

Notes to Self/

Abstract Qualities

1/11/2022 Notes to Selves

The quality of your thoughts should eventually match the quality of your words, and then eventually match the quality of your actions. It takes time, it takes continuous attention, and gentle intention, micro intentions, catching yourself on a second to second basis, the quality of your thoughts, words, and actions will all beautifully align. It will. It just takes time. Be patient and gentle with yourself.

About the other thoughts, the sharp icky thoughts. Question those thoughts that glare on the negative side. Ask it, “What is it that you fear?”, ask why it judges. Ask it, WHY? Ask it WHY, in the most loving, compassionate tone you can. Ask it, what part of you does it need to “protect”, what is it trying to defend?

The answer to those questions, is in some level, a way to self-heal, being able to start to tend to your own traumas (just a fancy word for inner emotional wounds, cuts, gashes, scratches, everyone has them, some way wayyy deeper than others). To heal is to understand. Thank your icky thoughts, they are opportunities to present your questions to your inner self.

To question is to understand, to understand is to start healing. To start healing is to start Loving, truly. 🧡✨

*In no way should this practice replace therapy, although it’s one of many great practices I apply to get to know one’s self on a deeper level. Self-discovery is such a beautiful process.

The greatest most fulfilling project you will ever get to work on in this lifetime, is… guess what?
YOUR OWN DAMN SELF. Create beauty, create magic. I ponder on those words often. I don’t know much, and the ones that resonate and find value in, I express. I have a knowing for myself, for my own path only, and that’s it. Please take what resonates and leave the rest. That is all.

Notes to Self/

You Will Die

I’ve always given myself the option of either going for music or podcast right before I dig in into lab work and bag prep. In recent months I’ve added the option of silence, just sitting with my thoughts, clearing my mind while I do work. I had realized a lot of things while starting this practice. As today, starting with the admiration for this V8 agar recipe that I recently started to use, causing the mycelium to go way fluffy and 3 dimensional. A perfect segway into today’s thoughts. My nuanced version of “Live, Laugh, Love” somewhat or something along those lines. 🙃

1/10/2022
Be kind. Take no shit. Do no harm. Stand your ground. Take only what resonates, leave the rest. Know yourself DEEPLY so you can trust yourself FULLY. Balance your heart and mind. Discern and discern well. Be in your essence, DANCE in your essence.

Always remember, YOU WILL DIE, embrace it. And so live it, and live it fully. In your own terms and no one else’s. Again, to love your life, you must live your life in your own terms.

You create your suffering, you create your joy. Choose well. Laugh when shit gets real. Find laughter in all of it. It’s always there. Find love and laughter always, in all situations, and in all ways.

Notes to Self/

Mount Charleston Specimens

Appreciating the simple yet complex beauty of these specimens gives me a sense of inner joy, to which I can only try to explain. I examine the scents and textures of each on my palm, I pick that of which catches my eye as I further scan the floor of my surroundings. Each stroke, each pattern, so common, yet we lost touch of how these came to be, which took eons upon eons to evolve and to be realized. I sit down on a tree stump and start scribbling away as this thought consumes me.

7/25/2021
Befriend yourself, befriend your ego, The ego that which is just another term for your external identity self, busy thinking, anxious, problem solving worrying mind self, the smaller self. The self that has been there to protect you from all these worldly pains. The self that which you’ve clinged to as it provided safety during times where it was the only security you knew. Once you awaken to who we truly are, the true higher Self, the awareness that watches the small self go through the innate suffering of the Human experience, the small ego self must realize that’s it’s ok to let the walls down and move to the passenger’s seat.

Your small self can be an ally to your higher Self. Treat your small ego self as almost like the annoying friend that has always been there from when you took your first breath, he/she caused so much pain throughout the years, the never-ending jabs, never-ending worries, never-ending negative dialogue, yet it did so as it thought that it was looking out for you. It lived in fear of everything because it’s job was to protect you, only and only, until you realize who you truly are and your power.

Once you realize who you truly are, the true You, You the calm awareness that observes, then you have the choice of speaking soft words and offer friendship to your ego self, the annoying friend that you will come to love. After all, You are going to spend the rest of your life with him/her, might as well build a healthy relationship together, it sounds fairly reasonable to do so. Show utmost compassion and gentleness to your ego self, treat him/her as the annoying friend/sister/brother that you have deep unconditional love for. Together you’ll both fulfill your purpose, feeling inner peace, and clarity that you once can only imagine was ever even possible. Now, everything is truly possible.
Notes to Self/

The present moment is the realm of Spirit

The present moment is the realm of Spirit. In every moment of presence, Source shows subtle signs of guidance. When our attention is in the present moment, we allow ourselves to notice and make sense of the signs that Source provides that will continue to lead us to our life purpose, the highest timeline with least resistance. The present moment has all the answers we seek. This is why being present is key. The present moment is literally the key to all our deepest questions. It is where our Divine intuition lives.

When I find myself getting into “puzzle” mode of trying to figure out how everything is going to work out, I say however it’s going to work out, it will work out. It just will. I allow myself to believe it with all my Heart. The endless routes to the desired destination is endless because the Mind is great at thinking and trying to figure it all out. The best thing is to surrender, to put down the “🧩puzzle” of life and breathe it out. I tell my consciousness to take a walk while watching a mental sunset such as this and breathe. It’s one of many ways of how I cope with certain phases of this journey. Hope it somehow helps someone else’s journey. All my Love.🙏🏽✨

Notes to Self/

Nothing is Left to Chance

Everything was and is is intentional. Nothing is left to chance. Harness the power of having consistent good intentions to align with the Light, making choice after choice to stay in Alignment, walking the middle path day after day. This is possible through our free will in consciously maintaining good intentions consistently, with every thought, every action, every decision. Reeling back and consistently re-aligning the overthinking bickering thoughts, transmuting them into better thoughts, thoughts with good intentions, scattered anxiety causing thoughts into positive manifestations. Manifestations into positive action. Overthinking does not have to equal to anxiety. I own my overthinking as a skill, I use my overthinking as a superpower. Overthinking is a superpower. Overthinkers have the potential to be super manifestors. My fellow overthinkers, I think it’s about damn time to own our superpower. Just a waking thought lol. Good morning. 🌞

Also the photo series, I was gifted this beautiful wasp’s nest (it was abandoned) and had the honor of seeing it from afar, up the tree, and then up close, observing how it was magnificently crafted and attached to the tree. How it was attached has a striking resemblance to mycelium arms. I was in awe as I stare at this damn thing whilst up a ladder that was carried over just for me so I can harvest it myself. Pure joy and honored AF!!

This is the third wasp nest going into Le Mai’s cabinet of curiosities, all thanks to Carrie and Paolo, a wasp abundance in their property. They enable me and I love it.

PSA: Wasps don’t go back to the same nest once they abandon it, they boujee leik dat, wasps need a new nest-house every damn season so don’t go scolding for being a wasp house taker. Or do. It’s whatevs. I guess. If there’s a good reason for me not to take this nest that I’m not aware of, it would be beneficial for me to know. Fire away.